Welcome to Smilesville

Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful girl.

Gripe, gripe, gripe

Yes, we have resorted to Gripe Water. Nights are getting longer and more stressful. I am desperately hoping this homeopathic route will give the little ladybug some relief. If not, we are on to an elimination diet (for me) and a trip to the doctor (for her). Last night, during a brief but intense crying jag, I relayed to youngster that sleep deprivation helps no one. I could swear I saw her roll her eyes ever so briefly.

Have I mentioned how tired I am these days? So very tired. In fact, I've napped the past two days without choice- meaning that my brain officially shuts off around 3 pm. Thankfully, those 45 minutes of power snoozing are making the early evenings more tolerable. However, one look at my face reveals the fact that I the far from rested. Caught my reflect earlier, would have sworn there was an errant geographical feature resting under my eyes. Sadly, those are just my bags steadily creeping toward my mouth. Perhaps they are headed in that region in an attempts to engage Penelope in some negotiations. Good luck with that.

My tank is near empty. Praise Jesus for maternity leave... because this is the only thing I can handle right now. Motherhood is more than a lifestyle; it's a livesstyle.

Penelope: One Month

Hey Munchkin- Your mommy loves you!

Gentlemen, Start Your Engines

I am literally coasting on fumes at this point. My little ladybug pulled another all-nighter and forming sentences that don't include milk, sleep, diapers, and angry nipples seems like a literary stretch. However, I want to make sure that I write Penelope's birth story before all those brain cells are lost to lack of sleep and a steady diet of granola bars and ice chips.

Unlike Miles' lightning labor and delivery process, Penelope's arrival spans several weeks. Looking over some of my earlier posts, it seems like "early labor" lasted forever. Prior to her birth date, I had been dilated 3 centimeters for well over a week. Even better, I was able to complete 98% of the "active labor" at home- but not intentionally. Here's the breakdown of the events.

First Came the Snow

December 26:

As we began to unwind from the present-fueled frenzy Miles underwent the day before, we watched the ground steadily collect a solid ten inches of snow. At the same time, a serious case of cabin fever kicked in. To help alleviate my stress, Jesse and I went on a drive while Miles played with his grandparents. While out and about in the white-out, I started to panic that I would be returning to work at the end of Winter Break, still pregnant and in pain. Luckily, I started having some mild contractions in the late afternoon- oddly enough at the downtown Green Leafe while picking up take-out for the fam. (Thank God I didn't have her there, though I bet I could have scored a new mug on the house.) At the time, I chalked them up to Braxton-Hicks, but it cracks me up to think I sat on a bar stool, counted out contractions while thinking back on how the times have changed.

The remainder of the evening progressed as usual, aside from the ever-mounting snow, aches, and pains. Dinner and bath routines went down as normal. There is a hilarious video of Miles and me floating around from this night- I was laid out on his bedroom floor (having back labor) while he uses me a human slide. Miles started on my shoulders and wiggled his way down my back- yelling sliiiiiii- during each trip down. And Jesse's role in the matter... to laugh and take footage on his phone.

We went to sleep around midnight, and there was no inkling in my mind that a baby would arrive in the near future. Seriously. I had been feeling this way for over a week, so why start to worry now? However...

December 27:

2:00 am: I wake up from a dream in which I am having contractions. Upon waking, I realize that these are real, I-have-to-breathe, contractions. Even they count as the real deal, they are not lasting 90 seconds. At best, they last 60 seconds and are coming anywhere between 3 to 5 minutes apart.

2:00- 3:00 am: To follow the doctor's orders, I make sure the contractions are present for at least an hour before calling the answering service. Wide awake and breathing like an asthmatic dragon, I have to find a way of silently passing this time. What's a girl to do? Obviously, I do my hair. Wiping out a digital timer and a curling iron, I sway, rock, and pant my way through a solid hour of hair curling. Folks have asked how my hair looked so good following Penelope's delivery- there's the answer. I swear to you that making barrel curls is the best way to dilate another 5 centimeters. Forget Lamaz; the future lies in the Pageant Hair Method. Go big, bold, spray it down, and then race to the hospital.

3:05 am: Barring the gory details, as soon as my hair is done- I go into transition. Ten minutes of solid purging, and I know that there's no turning back.

3:15 am: I reach the on-call doctor and get the green light to head into the hospital. Time to shock Jesse out of slumber and off to warm-up the car. He has no idea what's going on, but he's very adept at following directions whilst asleep.

3:45 am: Car finally cleaned off, grandparents are here to relieve us, and we begin our cautious trek (fabulous hair and all) to the hospital. The city roads are putting the ice capades to shame, but the interstate is clean. We arrive in about 20 minutes. Interestingly enough, I find Jesse's car a perfect spot to have intense labor- lots of handles to grab and surfaces to kick. Note: my water hasn't broken yet, so the upholstery is safe.

4:15 am: Hello ER! Following a triage check-in, where I threw my insurance card and license at the attendant and told her to read it herself. I tired to give a polite smile, but she may have missed it as I prowled around the waiting room. We head up to the delivery floor, but I refuse the wheelchair. Why wheel when I can walk this baby out, right? I only had to stop twice for air...

4:28 am: We breeze through the delivery triage and find that I am 7.5 centimeters at this point. I tell the nurse if they send me home I am planning on throwing myself down the stairs to ensure I can at least stay in the ER. Jesse knows I am joking, but she genuinely looks freaked out. I promptly get a private room across the hall. Note: the doctor has yet to show up, and I called an hour ago.)

4:35 am: Got the room. Lights are switched on. Playlist "Labor 2" has been turned on (it's all Motown), and a gaggle of anxious nurses are watching me kick into survival mode. I know that delivery time has arrived because I start shaking all over. "Ain't Too Proud to Beg" was playing at this point...

4:36 am: I calmly say, "You may not believe this, but I need to push." Fun legal note- nurses are not allowed to tell you to push, and they will tell you this when you shout "I have to push RIGHT NOW!" However, they can catch whatever little one may emerge. Note: Still no doctor.

I make it onto the bed and promptly remove the blood pressure cuff and pulse reader- in no way can I push with these items on. Thankfully, no one tries to reattach them. Furthermore, there was no time for an IV because removing that sucker myself would have hurt like the dickens. You should have seen me trying to pull my hair into a ponytail at this point...

4:40- 4:55 am: Rough 15 minutes of pushing. I have Jesse and the nurses adjust the bed, get the birthing bar, and bring me an oxygen mask. At one point, a nurse lowers a handle bar on which my leg had been resting. She does this as I am pushing through a contraction. Amazingly, I am able to bark out, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?!?" Magically, the handle bar returns in nanoseconds. Devine intervention keeps me from swearing, and the attending nurses are very helpful with counting (and unintentionally reminding me that the doctor still hasn't arrived). Jesse, my brave partner on my right, keeps me focused and updated on Penelope's progress. Right after my water breaks (better late than never), the little lady shoots out. Rene, my triage nurse, is there to catch her. Thank you, Rene!

4:55 am: Penelope Lanaux Thomas arrives weighing 7 pounds and 15 ounces. I would like to mention that there is a huge difference between naturally delivering a baby that weighs 5 pounds and one the weighs nearly 3 pounds more. Never let me wax poetic on the "magicalness" of the experience- this hurt like hell- but when you are done, you're done! Woo-hoo!

She arrived 7 tracks later, appropriately enough to The Supremes.

5:10 am: You'll never guess what happens now... the doctor arrives! I mumble something about not paying the practice, but Jesse quickly shoots me a "zip it" look. I clam up and continue to bask in my glory of my little one and limitless sea of euphoric endorphins. The doc decides to help me deliver the placenta, but I rob her of that job too and push it out while she's getting her gown tied on. Doctors? Where we're going we don't need doctors!

In a later post, I may want to vent about my concerns regarding the whole delivery situation. What if there had been a serious snag- what if Penelope's vitals started to drop? There was no one there who could have intervened... and we are baffled that an ER doc wasn't called up. Regardless, the attending nurses and my hubs were all very helpful and catered to my requests (demands). In retrospect, we are perfectly fine not having the doctor there- but we also know that we lucky in many, many, many ways- that we made it to the hospital on time, that the grandparents were on hand, and that there were no complications in Penelope's speedy arrival.

Now my little blizzard baby is over a week old- looking pink, plump, and pleased. She's a gift, a bundle of love and cuddles, and the perfect baby sister. Welcome home, ladybug. We've been waiting on you!

Frequent Flier MIles- Early Labor Update

So... at lot has been going on in the Penelope-Arrival department. On Wednesday, I thought labor had started during my Pre-Algebra block. Fearing my water might wash out a riveting unit on sale tax and its many exciting applications, I booked it over to the OB's office. Found out that I had dilated a centimeter. Not such a big deal for most folks, but in my case it instantly reminded me of Miles' delivery. When I was admitted with him, I had only dilated a centimeter as well. Regardless, contractions continued off and on until my regularly scheduled OB appointment Thursday.

I learned at this visit that my cervix is now at three centimeters. Hello Dolly! Now we are cooking with gas, right? So I thought. In fact, after an hour of solid contractions last night, Jesse and I made our (first) run to the maternity ward- but it was just a test run. My contractions were only 5 minutes apart, and my cervix was still at 3 centimeters. I thought for sure that these were the real deal because they hurt, like enough to keep my trap shut for a solid 40 seconds. Anyways, we clearly still have a long haul to go, so we opted to return home. I am glad we did because I was able to get some decent sleep.

Let's recap: In the past two days, I have had three pelvic exams. If I get another one in the next 24 hours, I am going to leave a guest book down there. At least we now know that Early Labor (according to the books) has basically reached its limit- now we just wait, patiently and calmly, for active labor to sneak up and smack me on the back. Could be today, tomorrow, or two weeks from now. Oh, joy. Regardless- Penelope looked great on the monitor last night, very active and happy- and that is what matters most.

Still Truckin'

Whew! No baby Penelope yet, but my body keeps acting like it wants to have this baby, now. Since Thursday, contractions have been happening all day long- just not in long enough spells to call in the OBs. My back is having spasms, and this morning I woke up to some new lower back cramps. On Thursday, I learned that Penelope's head couldn't get any lower, so I am guessing the pressure of her position is taking its toll. So if I make it to work tomorrow, I will need to will willing students to navigate me about in a wheelbarrow. Sounds like an extra credit opportunity to me!

I'm going out on a limb to stay that her arrival is still a ways off because, as of this weekend, we are prepared for her grand entrance. Bags have been packed, crib set up, tiny pink clothes laundered... while her nursery is still only in the planning phases- we have converted our room (again) into baby central. It's actually quite adorable in there. Yesterday, we let Miles check out the new layout. He instantly walked over to the new crib and said, "Shhhhhhh!" Too cute.

Thanks everyone for the well wishes! I can't tell you how amazing it feels to know that we are not in this alone. Frankly, since starting this blog (over 600 posts ago!!!), I have been loving the sense of community and support it brings. And I love, love, love sharing how amazing Miles is to anyone and everyone. In a matter of days, a new tiny Thomas will be joining our cast of cute crazies- which still blows my mind! Stay tuned for updated! : )

Updates from the Preggo Eggo

Disclaimer: All mentioned physical complaints will be shared with my doctor during my appointment this coming Monday, so please no worries. (Exclude #9 because Jesse was only doing his job... I guess.)

1. I am too tired to form proper paragraphs. Please forgive me and embrace the list.

2. I am in the throes of the worst sleep cycle ever. I typically crash around 10 pm, and then I am up and down for the next seven hours.

3. What's keep me up? The worst pain I've ever encountered. It (multiple body parts at this point) hurts in all positions and at all times. The pain oscillates from annoying to throbbing to stabbing. Changing positions amounts to a hill of beans because even standing has become a literal pain in my ass.

4. Contractions. Contractions. Contractions. These are also ever present, though they typically do not hurt. However...

5. Painful, and real deal, contractions are starting to occur. Luckily, they are only happening one at a time. But sheesh- I've got 5 more weeks to go. Come on!

6. My belly needs its own yoga instructor because it is sucking at stretching. Yep, Harold and the Purple crayon have made an appearance all over my belly. My only chance at looking cool after delivery is turning those marks into a psychedelic lightning motif tattoo. Maybe add in a wizard or a portrait of Jimi Hendrix.

7. Good- Penelope is growing. Bad- Penelope is growing. She's now large enough to head butt my bladder at truly inopportune times, like last night, when I woke up certain that my water had broken- not a fun experience... I was alternating between spazzing out about an impending delivery and the fact that I have not yet packed a bag or three. The lack of accompanying contractions made me feel much better. Ironically, this was the only time last night when I was having what surely felt like early back labor.

8. Lest we forget the typical pregnancy woes- stuffy nose, sore hips, forgetfulness, unmentionable things (yep, got a couple of them, too) and leg cramps- ahhh leg cramps. A few weeks back, I woke up screaming and writhing in pain with a leg cramp to end all leg cramps. Jesse thought I was in labor; I was able slur out only legs were giving birth. (I might have accidentally kicked him at that point. Opps.)

9. And finally, constant bladder pressure almost cost me life. One night, whilst making my fifth or so trip to the bathroom, my slumbering husband decided that I was not his leaky wife, but rather, I was a dangerous intruder headed for Miles' room. In with just the light of the moon as my saving grace, I had to fend off my sleep walking/ home defender/ slightly psychotic husband and yell him back to bed- because he was never fully awake or aware of the actual situation. Jesse, in an apparent kung-fu stance, was ready to throw me down the stairs, so I whipped my hair dryer at him- along with a long strand of expletives for almost scaring me into delivery. Obviously, this startles sleeping Miles, who chimed in with his own response to the yelling. In the morning, I had to remind Jesse of what had transpired. His meager response, "I must have been having a safety dream." What?!?! So this could have happened at any point during the last 8 months! For the record, I do not like "safety dreams."

10. Holy cow... the eagle is slated to land in 5 weeks.