The Real Deal

Last night I think I had my first real contraction. OUCH! I am concerned about my Lamaze training because that was the first skill that flew out of the door. How did I cope with the blazing 15 seconds of pain? By holding my breath and thinking of every expletive I knew. Our Lamaze instructor failed to mention the healing power of vulgarity (very cleansing). Some of those verbal gems are more cathartic than a bran muffin and a cappuccino.

The incident in question took place right after my late afternoon nap. I was wiped out from work because I was given an awesome surprise baby shower. Our little man is going to be the sharpest looking baby on the block. Wait until you see him in his baby-sized Crocs!! But I digress. . .yes, the contraction. . .I had just arisen from my brief slumber and padded my way to the bathroom. As I hit the light switch, this searing sensation- like an errant cattle brand that found its way onto my tummy- stole all of my oxygen. I had no idea what was going on. Had someone slipped our little man a nail file in the cake from the shower? Was he trying to make a break for it by tunneling out of my navel? Was my skin preparing to part down the center to demonstrate mitosis? Yes, all these freaky thoughts, plus a minagerie of 4 & 5 lettered words, raced through my oxygen-depraved brain. Once the contraction subsided, I realized we are in for a real treat. Apparently, I am not easily classically conditioned. However, after the contraction, I was drooling heavily and wanting a dog treat.

I am hoping that when next contraction rolls around I will handle it with more Zen-like elegance. Nature totally kicked Nurture's butt in this first round. This sucker took me by surprise. I wasn't even sure what was happening to my belly. Let's look at the score board:

Lamaze Breathing Method: 0
Anna Freak-out Method: 1

(Being calm and reserved has NEVER been my forte. Just ask John and Kit.)

Now, if my handsome coach had been there to hold my hand, I bet the pain would have been null and void. Let's just pretend this for now and embrace the beauty of magic thinking.