The nose knows!

I have been sleepwalking for the past two days. I feel like I am never fully awake, unless I sniff a bad smell. That's the solution; I need to wear smelling salts around my neck. Seriously, the only time I am completely roused from fatigue is when I am ranting on rank smells. I have even had Jesse double check the smell-quality of some rooms lately. Apparently, my nose read The Doors of Perception, had a sit down with Tim Leary, and is smelling funk from the fifth dimension because these smells do not exist in the natural world. Jesse thinks I am nuts. . . like I am hallucinating halitosis from beyond. Maybe, I am a psychic smeller. But this new gift has come with a heavy tax-- a super sensitive stomach. It's the kind of stomach that cries at every Lifetime television promo. I think I have also encountered ghost smells; these are smells of old smells. They are haunting my nasal passages, lamenting of odor of yore. They want me to pull out the ol' Ouija board and guess what digested food made them. There must be a 1-900 number for phantom fragrances. These ghost smells used to be real. So real in fact, they burn their imprint into my sinus cavity. Am I really making this information public? Please use fruity shampoos for my sake.