BTPS

Somebody please tell my brain that it is well past my bedtime. Technically, I've already been to bed, but sleeping for an hour and a half hardly constitutes as rest. The cards are stacked against me: no position is comfortable at the moment, my body temperature is swinging from jungle to iceberg every two minutes, and my mind is racing at a billion thoughts per second, "BTPS" BTW.

Let's take the problem apart piece by piece. Okay, problem one- comfort levels. My back is popping and snapping every time I readjust myself. Furthermore, rolling from side to side is feeling is leaving me feeling like a beached whale on Blanket Island. I'm grunting, groaning, and using too much energy to complete a formerly simple task.

Problem two- my temperature issues are directly related to problems one and three. First of all, I am getting hot lugging the bump around- and flipping sleep positions counts, too. Secondly, my mental state (or near panic level thinking) is causing my temperature to rise. My brain is in overdrive, and the steam is leaking out of my ears.

Problem three- "What, me worry?" Hell yes! Panicky is the name of the game these days. Interrupting my ever mounting wall of anxieties are beautiful but brief pockets of joy- thoughts of finally meeting, holding, and cuddling Penelope. Once that daydream fades, the waking nightmares of financial woes, preparation deadlines, and the copious arrangements still to be made flood back in. I am thinking this is akin to mental nesting, but sheesh- having to cope this with at this late hour is a little annoying.

Possible problem four- I ate away too much fruit before going to bed. More fruit than a gorilla snacks on in a month. For some reason, those raspberries, blackberries, blue berries, and pineapple chunks had to be consumed by the fist full. (Could my worrisome tummy be only having a fruit-overdose?)

Possible Solutions: There is so much good going on; I need to take a deep breath (let my back pop back into place) and re-read the post I added yesterday morning. Celebrate the positive, recognize what I cannot change (especially at this late hour), and let go of my need to be in control. Though it is taking me a long time to get the message, the experience of parenting and becoming a parent again is a highly reflect journey into the land of realization, recognition, and release. Realization: that there are forces greater than me at work. Recognition: that I control very little of what actually happens in grandest of grand schemes. And release: that letting go of the fear allows for my energy to be spent on the positive.

And speaking of focusing on the positives, check out the cutie in the laundry basket. I love getting this picture messages from Jesse. Love, love, love it. That's my one am Moment of Zen. Also, until this restlessness kicked in, I was having an amazing day.

I am off to try sleeping again. Wish us luck (2.0 is also on the move right now, too. She needs to chill out, just like mommy)!